Shining through
It has been over a month since I have written anything. At first it was the excuse that I was looking for something to write about. Then I just kept putting it off. But what I realized is I was avoiding me, myself. I have been "doing" things that have only been keeping me occupied enough to not reflect back into my inner world. When I look at my day in its entirety I can count on one hand the moments when I was quiet, inner calm and peace scrubbing my vast inner being. There was a time after I was divorced and knee deep in therapy, that I spent a great deal of "time" within healing my soul. I would meditate for long periods of time. The funny thing was is that time slowed down, it basically fell away as I swam in a quiet bliss. My mind which normally is spitting out random thoughts non stop was turned off for long periods of "time". I was able to "see" life unfold in a new way. It was the first time that I discovered and completely understood that happiness, the one thing I always thought I had, rests solely within. I no longer needed someone to make me happy. I felt connected to the universe in an expansive way, that I was part of it. The inner world I came to where the calm, quiet peace resonated was the universe. The universe spoke through this silence and its expression was LOVE. It opened the door to the beautiful reality that we are all love. But it is in our DNA to run away from that space, the place where the only thing that matters is love. You ever give someone a smile and see their face light up with light.
Well over the years I slowly let my practice of meditation and finding the quietude within dwindle. I still practice meditation and finding time to go within but it is way less. But what I realized today was I needed to get back to that place. The place where that inner peace and beauty swells up and takes my breathe away. Where I am immersed in the wonder of the bee drinking nectar from the flower. Where the Humming birds playfully fly around my head and stop in front of my face with a look of wonder. When the smell of lilacs bliss's me out and takes me away. I want to enter the silence and ask for its help to appreciate the wonderment of the moment. I need to let go of the should of's and could of's that have creeped back in. I want to be a beacon of love that radiates outward. I want that space of love to be a shining light for people to shed their masks and feel safe. I want this, because heaven rests within this place and its right here on earth. This is what I want to shine through my soul.
